Monday, March 23, 2015

Step by Step Directions

When the time comes that you have LOST YOUR MIND and signed up three children ages 5, 3, and 1 for swimming lessons AT THE SAME TIME, follow the procedures below.
1. Allow for an extra half hour because you never know when someone might need help with a coat and mittens, or wander aimlessly across the parking lot like he has all the time in the world (this is why double strollers were invented) or HEAVEN FORBID some one has to poop either before you leave, while you are driving there or once you have arrived.
2. Take snacks.  Take snacks for before swimming lessons, take snacks for after swimming lessons, and as I learned today, take snacks for after you have dressed the smallest child but you are still trying to help the second smallest child wrestle on his pants.
3. If you are going to be actively participating in swimming lessons, dress yourself in swimming attire BEFORE you leave the house. It'll save you the 5 minutes you'll need for when someone has to unexpectantly poop.
4. Take all three children into the women's locker room to change and shower (even though it is technically against the rules to take the 5 year-old boy there). That whole "conquer and divide" rationale DOES NOT WORK HERE.
5. Park in the farthest spot from the entrance to swimming lessons.
6. It's okay for the 3 year-old to just run quickly through the shower. No, he doesn't need to scrub.
7. The baby will probably not appreciate the shower either.
8. Thankfully the 5 year old may be completely competent at changing himself AND taking a shower, although he will need you to turn the water on for him.
9. Make sure EVERYONE goes to the bathroom before you leave the locker room, lest you want to figure out how to manage supervising the 3 year-old while in the parent-child class with the 1 year-old or drip water all over the place with a shivering baby in your arms while you escort him to the locker room.  You may still have to do this, but the odds are in your favor.
10. Escort all three children out and deliver the older two to the appropriate swim instructor before getting into the water with the littlest one.
11. Silently appreciate that the water is SO MUCH WARMER than the water in the pool where you took your first child to swim lessons. Live and learn, right? This is so much more pleasant.
12. Take a breath and enjoying the art of blowing bubbles in the water and singing a water version of "The Wheels on the Bus" while occasionally glancing over at the other two and waving and smiling. They are so excited their sister gets to enjoy swim lessons now, too.
13. Feel a little bit guilty for doing baby swim lessons with the first child and the third child but not the second child.  Make a mental note to buy him a pony someday.

We'll stop there, because let's be honest, going into the locker room after swim lessons and prying wet swim suits off of FOUR people is way more chaotic than putting on dry ones.  You may need a cocktail afterwards.

1 comment:

  1. This is too funny! I laughed out loud! I think you DESERVE several cocktails if you survive all of this!

    ReplyDelete