No Intentions

I did not know what I would write about today when I woke up, but I can tell you I had no intention of writing about this...a hugely significant event in my life.  As I begin this "Slice of Life" adventure, this truly is a slice of my life...always there in the background and when I least expect it, I am reminded of that day in June.

This morning my husband, Kyle, and I were in church with our three children.  The pastor began the sermon referencing the story from one of the readings--the one about Peter  being very offended and upset when Jesus first told the disciples that he would die.  The pastor had us close our eyes and imagine our best friend.  I thought of Kyle.  Then, the pastor had us recall wonderful moments and all that we shared.  Then, she had us imagine that person telling us, "I will die," as a way to connect to the experience Peter shared with Jesus.  This instantly took me back to that June day and my frantic drive to the hospital.  This happens sometimes...a movie, a song, something someone says...I go back and remember that day--maybe just a moment from that day.  It shocked me at first, when this started happening and I remember asking my husband if this would always happen.  If I would always feel like the wind was knocked out of me at random times when something reminds me of all that I could have lost that day.

I had been driving when I heard those horrible words (not the worst words a person can hear, but close)...Kyle had been in an accident...med flight...cut out of the car...breathing tube...and no one knew exactly how he was doing.  It was about 20 minutes before I knew more...a horrible 20 minutes of wondering...what if it's worse than they are telling me...what if I don't make it in time...what were the last words I said to him...I love you...thank God...the children--safely behind me, sleeping off their play date--I can't even go there...and then, the best words I could have heard..."He will be okay."  Relief.  So much relief.  I can't even explain.

I reached over and I placed my hand on Kyle's leg and I counted my blessings--again--that he was next to me.  This was another reminder of how precious life is and how nothing is promised.  I take that with me every day.  This experience, this "slice" if you will, reminds me of my priorities, what matters and what really doesn't. I don't always get it right--I get it wrong a lot--but I am closer than ever before.